Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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