Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
