Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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