Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
