i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
