I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
