u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
