ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Your tits are I can't wait for
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
