apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
