Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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