I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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