i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
