It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
