So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
