Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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