Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
