so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
