I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
