Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
nutella sex= disaster
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
