He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
