just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
