ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
