Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
