He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
