No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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