Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
