so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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