I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
