So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
