Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
