There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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