Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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