So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
