we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
