He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
