I want to have your abortion
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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