I love having hate sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
