Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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