Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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