Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
