Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
