just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
