he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
