she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
