I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
