I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
