if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
