3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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