Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
