Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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