if i can run in heels then i can drive
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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