I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
