four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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