I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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