my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
