areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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