I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
