I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
