and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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