Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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