i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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