My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
