I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
