Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
