I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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