i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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