We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
